(via o-bscurity)
Hey Guys.
So yes, for a month, I have been completely normal. I don’t know how it happened, but this boy kept driving me home from school and smiling at me and talking to me and I got lost in his eyes and next thing I know I’m fucking eating, eating, eating, three meals a fucking day.
Any way, nothing happened with him but i guess I got better and ate again. Funny thing, I’ve only gained 4 lbs. WTF is this shit? I guess I can’t gain much weight or lose much either.
But last saturday, my first day of spring break…. a year to the day since my world fell down, i woke at 6:30 to frantic texts and missed calls from my friend, K. So I commented on a video on YouTube about anorexia and how horrible it was a while ago. Well, she fucking found my channel and the comment. She. Figured. It. Out.
No one else knows, and I don’t think she’ll tell anyone, but it scared me. But I thought, I got over it, so I’m fine.
But I still came back here. I wanted to know why and how I did this to myself.
But I think I just got sucked back in.
But I’ll have to tread lightly. K thinks I’m fine now, I got over it.
But I want it.
I want to be so skinny and perfect.
Until I don’t exist.
until i don’t exist.
